How To Enjoy Dow Chemical Products In Your 20s This Summer
It’s getting pretty hot out there… again. Hard to believe it’s summer already, huh? Remember how magical summer used to be? Trudging through the winter and fording the spring with your budding sense of perseverance. You’d press through the hard months of the school year, dreaming of sprinklers and first kisses, fireflies, and sunsets just before bed time. Now distant memories, grasping at straws you reach back into that nostalgic mode and try to understand how a time could be so simple when almost nothing was concretely understood. You may be a big girl now, but you’ve still got a kid’s heart. You still feel like there’s magic in the world, but instead of fairy tales and fluttering hearts, you know it’s not really magic, you know it’s something different.
You know it’s the diverse application portfolio of polyethylene and polypropylene from Union Carbide, a wholly owned subsidiary of the Dow Chemical Corporation.
Whether it’s the plastics in your disposable razor or the polyamides in the yoga pants hiding your unshorn gams, you can bet there’s a Dow polymer at play. We’re with you every step of the way, and this summer, we’re reaching out to help you find yourself in this blistering expanse of young adulthood ennui.
So what’s the best way to beat back the heat? Maybe cool down with a hip craft beer, or perhaps something more pedestrian like a Pabst or Pearl. Either way, make sure it’s a can pressed from alloy 3104-H19 and coated with our patented Bisephenol A, which locks in whatever flavor of alcohol you personally choose to identify with. Either sit back and cool off from a nice breeze, or move the party inside and enjoy a fresh blast of air conditioning, powered by our state of the art HCC-1230xa, a new chlorocarbon developed in a joint venture with the OxyChem Corporation. Either way, you need your environment to be as cool as you, and here at Dow – we got you covered, girl.
Okay, we know what you’re thinking.
“Hey, are all these chemicals safe?”
Hell no. Here at Dow, we’ve got the same live fast, die young approach to life that you do. We know being in your 20s is all about rock and roll and living in the moment. It’s about late summer nights and not regretting a single thing. It’s about all the things you’re gonna look back on and laugh about.
You’ve got to find yourself. Travel – both internally and externally. Hit the road and experience other cultures. Cultures like India where safety regulations can be sidestepped and second rate plant construction is deemed acceptable due to something called ‘Indianization’ of building materials. What’s that mean? It doesn’t matter, you’re an American, you’re young, and you’re empowered. This is your story. It belongs to you, not the Indian Central Bureau of Investigators.
Maybe fall in love again this summer? I know, I know. You’ve been in love a couple of times now, and at this point you’ve got a hole in your heart larger than the one in the ozone – which, by the way, was mostly caused by nacreous clouds elevating natural chlorine cycles into the stratosphere, a normal occurrence with or without the added presence of CFCs – but being in your 20s is all about taking risks, and making mistakes.
Mistakes like filling methyl isocyanate storage tanks way beyond recommended limits and only having one manual relief system that is effectively nullified by an non-operational flare stack, despite the fact that stateside deployment of MIC refineries would never operate with such reckless disregard for safety. Sure, thousands died, but we learned a little bit more about ourselves. Maybe that cute guy at the coffee shop could be your environmental catastrophe. Heck, maybe he might be the refinery explosion that you can effectively blame on union labor, allowing you to lower pay company wide while bolstering stock holder confidence in the face of a tragedy.
You’ll never know unless you take the first step, and it all starts with a spark, or sometimes a back flow of water caused by a lack of slip-blind flanges on vent pipes. Sometimes just a glance or a subtle flip of your hair is all it takes to take his breath away, or sometimes its phosgene gas released into the atmosphere that disrupts the blood-air barrier, causing immediate dyspnea and rapid death. Either way, we’re keen to the game, girlfriend.
Who knows? You can’t have love without good chemistry, and when it comes to good chemistry, there’s no name more trusted than Dow.